Film Filter: Off - Splice

Film Filter: Off – Well, I have to say that the plot and even the beginning of this film are pretty intriguing.  Geneticists splicing the genes of several animals and combining them together for medical purposes sounds like an ideal background for a crazy, mutated, evil monster to be created.  So, bonus points for creativity.

Pros- Well, this list is about as short as it can get, I’m afraid.  Other than the unique story line and pseudo-interesting beginning, this movie really blows.  One of the few pros found in this film was that the genetic scientists all sported Bieber hair and bedazzled their lab coats with bad-ass patches.  We have to assume that this movie was developed by someone who was probably ridiculed in high-school for being a nerd, because I don’t know too many other personalities that would try so hard to get geneticists to look like rock-stars.  Eh, it’s their fantasy world, so whatever.  The second positive note derived from the movie is only appreciated if it’s viewed in a specific manner: wide screen.  Why, might you ask?  Well, wide screen TV +Adrien Brody = a somewhat proportionate nose.

Cons- I really cannot conceive of a way to relay the cons of this movie to you accurately without giving you a short and sweet play-by-play, so SPOILER ALERT!!  

    Alright, here is the rough and dirty version:  Two lead geneticists (who are dating) want to splice human DNA in with animals to help cure diseases.  Boss says no.  Girl does it anyway because she’s dumb.  She uses her own DNA.  Monster baby alien thing comes alive and is part human/chicken/rabbit/unicorn/manbearpig and many other animals.  Scientists pity it, take care of it, and give it a queer name- Dren.  Dren grows up as a girl, learns quickly, watches the two scientists boink, and then has a crush on Brody’s character.  Meanwhile they discover that when their female hybrid animals mate, they become male and start to kill each other.  So Brody, being the genius that he is, boinks Dren because he can’t keep it in his pants.  Eventually Dren escapes, becomes a man, and tries to kill everyone with a pretty decent success rate.  I will not mention the horridly disgusting twist at the end that makes you want to vomit- you can feel free to check that out yourself.

   Sooo, what have we learned here?  1) Don’t treat your experiments like your children.  It’s just creepy.  2) Don’t treat your experiment like a cheap hooker, Brody.  It’s just wrong…and creepy at the same time.  3) Don’t be surprised if your confused, sex-crazy genetic experiment wants to kill you and all of your friends after you’re done humiliating it. 

   Okay, in all seriousness, this movie is whacked.  I think the first problem occurs in that they opted to draw on the pity of Dren for the first 80% of the movie instead of taking the easy way out and making her scary and unstable to begin with.  I’m sure this film had some odd expectation of exploring the human psyche and how we need to be sensitive on how we mesh science with morality, but it didn’t succeed.  If that was the point, they should have continued some aspect of the sympathy factor for the remaining 20% of the film.  (Note: the only other time I have successfully seen a character go from cute and pathetic to scary and malevolent in a short period of time was Gremlins, and let’s be honest, you can’t replicate Gremlins.  It’s a classic.)  They instead took the stupid choice and played with the audience’s emotions by turning them from pitiful to disgusted in not enough of a time frame to adjust.  I can (sort of) see why they did what they did, but there is no shame in following a standard plot formula to make a film work.  I’d rather see the same good plot outline with different characters that succeeds in being both scary and a quality film than a story that deviates from that in attempts to stand out, and thus does so in a crap-tastic way.

Wrap up-This movie is really just messed up.  It had potential to be a success, but I think the directors had good raw material and took it in a weird direction which left the audience wondering.  The movie is not poignant, scary, reflective, morality-driven, or thought provoking.  It’s just…weird.

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