The Lost Tribe- So this is the first film on my review list that received the lowest rating. I'm very serious when I say that watching this film is probably the biggest waste of time you'll encounter. I honestly can't say that I know what possessed me to continue to watch it...I suppose in hopes that the ending would save it but, alas, that didn't happen.
Pros- Hmmm, this is where I need to get creative. Pro #1- the movie was only 1 hr 40 minutes long, and not a second longer. Pro #2- the leading actress was (kind of) hot. Pro #3...I got nothing.
Cons- So we've got the setup here for a perfect horror movie- four people on a pleasure cruise to a meeting that will garner them millions of dollars, but *gasp* something goes awry! Someone is floating in the ocean, so one of the male passengers saves him and they opt not to call the Coast Guard, as it will take too long and they've got better things to do with their time. So far, not an awful plot. This nut-job of a flotation device goes berserk and steers the ship into a rock and causes it to sink, while the passengers find their way to a nearby shore. We find out that there are creatures inhabiting this island which are the missing link between humans and the evolutionary theory. These creatures do not speak English, are very hairy, and like to eat people. Again, not too shabby thus far- but that's about as good as it gets, folks.
The next hour and a half includes all but one of the main characters dying, thus leaving one English speaking character left on film. Somehow, we find out that the creatures must have a Helen Keller-like handicap, for they honestly have a hard time hearing the final character as she traverses among them. Oh, and if she rubs grape ooze all over her body, she can't be seen by them. Genius! She finds her beloved boyfriend half dead in a cave (who, by the way, handed her a velvet box at the beginning of the movie and guess what was inside!? A key. What every girl has always wished for.) and cries a little bit, then strangles him. Cute. Oh yeah, somewhere in the midst of this riveting plot the Catholic church is involved (what did I tell you about creepy ministers and horror movies?).
So...let's pretend for a second that this movie didn't suck in every capacity and analyze the logic behind it. Humans evolved from apes to this thing and...it's still around? Last time I checked things that were evolved from went extinct, because they EVOLVED, but I'm willing to overlook that in order to inspect the other fine qualities of this film, so let's recap: we have no characters, no dialogue, no background story on why the Catholic church is torqued (we can assume it's the prospect of proof of the theory of evolution) even though it's the only interesting sub-plot, half a dozen partially eaten human bodies, a mysterious oozing mud coming from a grape plant that makes you invisible, and a marginally attractive blonde searching for the half-eaten love of her life that gave her a key to his apartment.
I can't find a way to wrap up this review, other than to urge you not to watch it, or at least find a way to turn it into a drinking game.
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